Review: Audition

Audition (1999)

Its probably also surprising that I haven't seen this one yet. I have been familiar with it though, so maybe that's why I am a little underwhelmed by it. The classic story of a middle aged man looking for a new life to spark up his life. An awkward proposition enough, but more so in Japan with what I assume is more intricate or at least awkward dating norms. His friend in the movie business suggests a way to get around this by holding auditions for a fake romance movie so he can basically interview all these hopeful, unknown, aspiring actresses. This way he gets to meet a bunch of talented and attractive people and pick who he wants. Clearly you should see where this could turn into a problem. Well he finally settles on this brokenhearted young girl who's younger dreams of being a ballet dancer were smashed by an injury in early adolescence. Also she is kinda creepy. Despite his friends warnings about a hunch about the girl he starts dating her. We get one quick glimpse into her life that shows that something is kinda fucked about here, and we get the probably infamous "bag scene". Already the guy is kind of a creep for dating someone close to his son's age, so I cant feel terribly sympathetic to him. Around the midway point of the movie they go off together for a little trip, and things start to get weird. We see she has some intense scars on her legs, and she asks him to love her and no one else, because that's not a red flag at all. Right as they start to bang there is a very fast cut and now its some time later in the room and she is gone. We aren't supposed to know what has happened. He starts looking for her, checking up on the couple of contacts she mentioned on her resume. We start to suspect there is something pretty fucked up indeed about her indeed. Before he heads home, dejected that his new love has up and left him already, and is probably a basket case, we get a POV shot of someone lurking in his house. He goes home and pours himself a drink, but we already know its been poisoned, now we get a very confusing series of flashbacks that I am still not 100% sure are completely "real" or what order any of it is implied. This is where the movie starts to get interesting finally but now it gets far more confusing too with its very disjointed story telling and disorienting editing. I cant say this is bad, just confusing. We get to see the girls tortured, abused past, and the fucked up shit it has led her to do. Some of it is pretty gross, and it would probably be disturbing for most people to watch. When he snaps out of it he finds that he is paralyzed and she is there. She slowly starts to set up her little torture routine on him, while she monologues about trustworthiness and faithfulness and honesty. Typically crazy bitch stuff. Its also hard to feel sympathetic for her, which sounds harsh, but something about her character comes across as really in-genuine to begin with. The torture scene is terribly graphic, but my standards at least, but I will say its well done. The best scene in the movie is at the very end, where she is laying there on the floor staring at him, also paralyzed after falling down the stairs and breaking her neck, and she continues her monologue again with her neck bone jutting up from the side. The general idea is clearly that she was so abused as a child that she turned into a monster who tortures and kills men in a form of revenge, or some way of making up for her mistreatment, basically. I cant help but feel that this movie expresses some fear of Japanese men in making developing relationships. There is some kind of theme of disconnect between the sexes, but I am not entirely sure what the point the movie is trying to make. I cant say that the movie is incompetent, but it wasn't very enjoyable for me or even really that scary. I found it had a lack of atmosphere and it really built more confusion and maybe awkwardness for me than tension.

Why not enjoy an awkward movie with a Shochu Schoolgirl?

3 oz Shochu (Japanese Barley liquor, you could use sake or plum wine I guess if you cant find any)
3 oz Midori
lemon juice

Pour the booze into a tall glass with ice and squeeze of fresh lemon juice, stir with an acupuncture needle skewered through a lemon wedge and a cherry for garnish. Optionally you could serve it in a dog bowl...

Review: At Midnight I Will Take Your Soul

At Midnight I Will Take your Soul (1963)

The first of the Coffin Joe films, horror icon from Brazil. This is my first time getting to see any of these movies but they have been on my radar for quite a while. Directed by and staring José Mojica Marins as the cavalier and rambunctious Zé do Caixão or as we know him: Coffin Joe. Joe is an undertaker in São Paulo, at least I think its supposed to be there, it is filmed there. When he isn't busy with his funerary duties he is busy berating the superstitions of the local people, bullying them around, cutting their fingers off, poking out their eyes, torturing women to death with poisonous spiders, raping women, and generally being a kind of a dick. The movie opens with ol' Joe waxing philosophical about life and death to the camera, which sets up his motivation for the rest of the movie; you see he just wants a son to carry on his bloodline. The problem is, his wife is barren, so he doesn't seem to see the point in her living anymore. He kills her and spends the bulk of the movie trying to get with this other girl named Terezinha. Terezinha, like most of the town doesn't want anything to do with him. And you cant really blame her, despite having an awesome beard, top-hat and cape ensemble he's a pretty mean dude. He isn't all bad, there is one scene where he yells at a father for abusing his son, because having a son is the one thing Joe really cares about which gives the character more depth than you would expect. Yeah he is still a dick, but he isn't just a malicious tormentor, he is an overly confident man who has probably seen so much death as an undertaker that he is desensitized to it and he has become obsessed with the continuation of his bloodline, meanwhile he has also forsaken religion which ultimately leads to his downfall. It plays a pretty obvious, but functional dichotomy between his obsession with blood and his neglect and scorn of the soul. The movie has serious balls for showing all the gruesome and violent shit that it does. It didn't have to deal with any of the censorship organizations in the US as it was made in Brazil. I'm not really sure when American audiences would have been able to see it until its vhs release in 1993 on Something Weird Video. The Coffin Joe character would appear or be referenced in numerous films in the 60's and 70's but the only other ones that star the character are This Night I'll Possess Your Corpse, Awakening of The Beast and 2008's Embodiment of Evil. For a clearly low budget movie there is an awful lot going on, keeping you engaged throughout mostly just in shock that a movie this old can depict some of the brutal things it shows you. If you have any interest in film history I suggest checking this one out, and you can do so on youtube! When you do, why not make yourself a...

Nail in the Coffin
2 oz Cachaca, a Brazilian liqour made from fresh sugarcane juice, you can sub white rum in a pinch
2 oz Kahlua
2 oz Amaretto
Crushed ice

Fill an old-fashioned glass with crushed ice, pour all the booze in over it and stir with a rusty nail or a sliver of sugarcane. Be sure to curse God and the heavens while you stir your drink, best enjoyed in a cape and top-hat.

Review: The ABCs of Death

The ABCs of Death (2012)

Ok so ABC's of death is an anthology project with each letter being tackled by a different group of filmmakers making a short film themed with a word starting with a certain letter from the alphabet. Overall I was kind of exasperated by how weird or kind really stupid some of these were. Only three or so really stood out to me as being really good, and it was kind of a shame for them to be mixed in with a lot of these which I really hated. The majority are horror-comedy or just dark comedy, or just stupid toilet humor, or just really fucking weird. I'm going to go through each letter briefly, without giving too much away.
A- meh
B- pretty good
C- ok, simple, cute premise
D- one of the stand-out's, it has a satisfying twist
E- meh
F- Goddammit Japan
G- boring
H- Goddam Furries
I- pretty tense
J- Goddammit Japan
K- stupid
L- one of the most fucked up, but actually tense and not just annoying
M- quick and fucked up
N- funny, classic comedy bit gone violent at the end
O- just weird
P- well done, tragic and tense
Q- I lol'd R- I didnt really get the symbolism or something, kind of wanted a little more explanation because I was intrigued and left hanging.
S- ok
T- hey look, more toilets and poop.
U- ok
V- probably my favorite, crazy, distopian, brutal
W- fucking weird, but kind of funny
X- ok
Y -just kind of weird, but ok I guess.
Z- GOD DAMMIT JAPAN!! So to tally it up, there's about 9 that were worth watching, about 8 that were meh, and another 9 that I really disliked. That's not really a great ratio. I would skip it overall, I kind of wish segment V would just be its own movie and was just longer, maybe not even feature length but a good 30 minute short film. If you really want to watch the whole thing anyway I suggest that you skip any of the shorts that start to be annoying or boring, because they dont get better at their ends.

Review: Ju-on: The Grudge

Ju-on: The Grudge (2002)

Probably surprising that until now I haven't gotten around to seeing the original "The Grudge" movie. Somehow I manage to overlook Japanese horror (as opposed to Kaiju flicks which I adore) but that's a mistake I will be correcting from now on. Ju-on is pretty creepy, and kind of sad. The presentation was a little chronologically disjointed which was a little confusing at first, but really probably the best way they could keep the suspense with a fairly straight-forward ghost story. I feel like there is underlying theme to the movie about the lasting effect of tragedies on the community, which I imagine would probably be a lot stronger of a theme in an eastern culture. As the haunting effect touches more people through the movie it evokes a sense of communal loss and hysteria as it claims more victims. I got a sense from the movie that "your neighbor's problems wont stay their's". I dunno, I liked it.