Review: Assault of the Sasquatch

Assault of the Sasquatch (2009)

Bigfoot double feature! Wells sort of, meant to squeeze it in yesterday but I had social obligations. This film has way more big foot mischief and murder than The Untold. This is exactly the kind of thing you want from a Bigfoot movie: cheesey, humorous, low-budget, monkey-suit mayhem. It starts off with a group of bear poachers hunting bears for their paws to sell on the black market as aphrodisiacs in China. I liked the guy using a slice of pizza as bait in the trap. Very soon they find something they weren't expecting and the Sasquatch kills off the other poachers. The leader of the trio of poachers is a grizzled old asshole who has some pretty funny lines throughout the movie. After finally tranquilizing the Bigfoot and putting it in the back of his truck he is arrested by park rangers and taken into the city (I believe this is supposed to be in Jersey) to jail. From here we get the b-story about the family of one of the rangers who made the arrest and why he had to leave the city police force. This exposition is cut in between scenes of the Sasquatch escaping the truck and wandering around the city getting into trouble like stealing a drunk guy's pizza and watching a girl shower and stomping her tiny dog. This kind of thing continues for a while until the cops realize there is a Sas' on the loose and also the poacher and another criminal. Everybody is hunting everybody and as folks are knocked off by the Sasquatch eventually it boils down to a final battle between the poacher and the Bigfoot. Its a fun movie, tongue-in-cheek but not quite cartooney. It's low budget for sure, so the acting is forgivable and the Sasquatch suit actually looks pretty decent. This is a fine monster movie, somewhere on the level of the made-for-tv syfy specials but with practical effects.

Review: Strippers vs Werewolves

Strippers vs Werewolves (2012)

You probably wouldn't expect a lot from a movie called "Strippers vs Werewolves", and you would be right not to but it does at least have a lot of strippers and some werewolves. The really weird thing is that they are all British as this takes place in London. Makes sense for the werewolves, but I didn't know they had strippers in England. Shows what I know. Hopefully they don't actually dance to any of the terrible music that they do in this movie. There are quite a few decent gags in the movie that had me laughing and a little bit of good violence. It definitely leans much more on the comedy side of the horror-comedy axis. Somehow they got Robert Englund for one scene, and his is easily the best performance in the whole movie. If they got him to be more involved in the movie it might have actually been kinda good. You might also recognize the club owner, Sarah Douglas, as Queen Taramis from Conan the Destroyer. If you ever find yourself drunk and flipping through netflix, and if you associate with me you probably do, its worth checking out.