Review: Pieces

Pieces (1982)

College campus terrorized by a serial killer, cops cant find out who it is as they try to track down the murderer. This one of the movies that I feel helped built this cliche, and its as fun as a movie about this should be. Plenty of gore and sex, and enough goofy dialogue in between. The whodunnit aspects of the movie are fun as well with enough red herrings that I actually kept guessing, mostly as to how much credit of originality I should give the movie. The version I watched had some awkward dubbing, but I think it helped my experience of the film. The killer in the movie is going after young women specifically, and in a rather sexual manner because of a crazy event in his childhood which the movie opens with. I clearly was inspired by other early slash movies like Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This is really fun movie that should be in anyone's short list when discussing 80's slashers. I cant really say too much more about it because I kind of want to keep this review relatively spoiler free and there are some pretty awesome bits towards the end when the movie comes together.

Lets get ripped up for this shlocky romp with an

Absolute Chainsaw

1/2 oz Absolut Vodka
1 oz Wild Turkey
1/2 oz Jagermeister
1 can Natty

Pour the three douchey liquors into the nearest red solo cup and pour the douchey beer on top, because we need to get wicked drunk for this bloody rager, don't forget to pop your collar and lube your chainsaw.

Review: Chopping Mall

Chopping Mall (1986)

Chopping Mall basically combines several things that were popular in the 80's: Robocop, slasher movies, and shopping malls. This shopping mall has purchased a set of new security robots to patrol the building at night, that will incapacitate any intruders. They have safety features that should prevent them from coming after mall employees, but of course they get hit by lightning and that control system malfunctions; of course, they go on a murderous rampage. This rampage happens to occur whilst a group of teenagers that work at the mall decide to stay overnight and have a party at a furniture store. The movie follows some of the general cliches after that--the janitor (albeit he was white) gets killed first, the kids drink and have sex (thereby calling down the old testament judgement of the slasher movie gods), and the really nerdy couple that does not hook up at the party end up living. The movie also is reminiscent of Dawn of The Dead, since the group ends up smashing lots of windows in the mall and there are lots of scenes in which they gear up to try to fight the robots. The heroine shows plenty of competence with firearms and definitely holds her own against the robots, which was fun to watch. There is also a great head explosion, a couple good one-liners, and the robots actually look pretty cool. The soundtrack is really great--the perfect kind of 80's synth but with a manic, goofy quality that really fits the mood. It's a really fun movie that combines lots of elements of other 80's movies and is definitely worth a viewing or two.

Boom! Head Shot!
dash grenadine
1/2 oz 151 Rum
1/2 oz Grand Marnier
1/2 oz Midori

put booze and ice into shaker, strain in to shot glass, violently dash in grenadine being sure to spill some on the bar. then throw it back hard, like a laser from a robot exploded your melon all over the place. optionally, throw the contents of the shaker at someone's face and pretend it exploded (read: cheesy effects).

Almost Human (2013 (not the one with Karl Urban))

Almost Human

I'm going to try to burn through my Netflix list as it has piled up something fierce, and for some reason I felt writing short reviews would somehow make me more likely to do this... Yeah I'm confused by my own reasoning.

Anyway, Almost Human is very independent but not entirely cheap feeling sci-fi horror gore romp. The plot is damn simple, a guy gets abducted by aliens, comes back a few years later and kills a bunch of people, because. The acting and script are a little weak, but entirely forgivable. The production is surprisingly good however, particularly the sound and music. Fantastic, chilling, creepy, obviously influenced by John Carpenter's The Thing (so of course I like it). Some of the gore-gags are pretty well done, and at least one made me say "what the fuck" out-loud, which is a good thing. Its a decent, short, indie horror flick. While not amazing, the people involved obviously know horror and how to make a movie. Its fun and worth adding to your list if you have run through the big horror titles already.